Answers

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.

Many people in life are searching for answers. Answers to what are they supposed to do with the life that was given to them. Answers that will guide them. I've always been looking for mine. At all areas that attracts my attention. I can spend hours sitting infront of my computer and just research on things like Astrology. I bet I can say that I know 85% of the different types of them. And also if you read my past posts... It's obvious. HAHAH! So after all the research, I gained some knowledge which I don't think is usable practically... But, I had to quench my brain with the information it wants to know. Sometimes... When you know the answer, you'd wish you didn't. And yet when you don't know, you'd do everything in your power to seek for it.

All I've ever actually done is basically just wait for answers to fall on my lap. If it doesn't, it means that I'm not meant to know. Tho I would often wonder what the answers could possibly be. I have wondered "Why would anybody love me?", "Why am I in this world?", "What is my mission in life?", "What difference would it make, if I never came into the world?", "Is my life a joke?". And I realize that those really doesn't matter, yet when I'm feeling low... These BAD thoughts seems to just casually flow into my head like it's the most logical thoughts, well it is... Even tho most of the time I would really try my best to feel better, it really needs time. I have such an insanely sane life, I bet everyone at some point feels the same.

What I want to say now is that, don't be too busy looking for the answer that you missed it. Somethings in life is not meant to seek, but to find. And how do you find it without looking for it? If it's meant to be, it will definitely show itself to you without you putting in any effort. Guess that's all for the day. Still have alot of things to work on and I still need to plan and pack all my days with things to do. I rather spend 5hrs to plan for my remaining 8544+hrs than actually really wasting it. Hope I can stick to the plan even tho I know I like to spice my life up quite alot. Am not really fond of routine to be honest but I'll try my absolute best. Goodnight! xx

Quote: "Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face." - Ronald Reagan

Bible verse: "And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works." (Revelation 20:12 NKJV)

Letting go

We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, to embrace the life that is waiting for us.

The life that is already prepared for us by God will definitely be one that is way better than our own, even if there may be obstacles in the way. The obstacles are there to prepare you for what's going to happen next.

I found out that there's this "Destiny Card" reading. It's about poker cards, not tarot. But it's kinda alike in a way? Because they show us our life too. There's Spiritual spread and Life spread, which I still don't understand how to analyze because it's rather confusing. My Birth Card is Nine of Diamonds. And it's said that "Nines come to this world to experience the power of letting go.", which is true. There's still so many different things to let go of. Just hoping one day to be able to let go of everything if needed. Also the happiness after letting go of something that I've been holding onto is worth it. You will only know if something is truly yours by letting go and I need to know that. So basically that's what I'm gonna do. Also, I want to be happy and carefree. Why get myself involve with even more problems than what my life is already giving me? Tho my life is not really that crazy but I just don't want to care about other things anymore. I want to find my peace, I need my little haven.  

If you wanna know yours: http://www.sevenreflections.com/

Quote: "I believe that a trusting attitude and a patient attitude go hand in hand. You see, when you let go and learn to trust God, it releases joy in your life. And when you trust God, you're able to be more patient. Patience is not just about waiting for something... it's about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting." - Joyce Meyer

Bible Verse: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV)

Solitude

I often think about leaving everything and everyone behind just to finally be alone.

It's just life seems to be never meant for me, but if it isn't meant for me then why am I here? Thunderstorms after thunderstorms. When the boat is stable, thank god. Can I be normal? I don't think so anymore. Well, I'm not born to be anyway. Sometimes I think my life's a sick joke and sometimes I think that I'm blessed enough. Conflicted feelings. Can anyone relate to me?

I like being alone most of the time unless you enjoy my company and make me happy then fine I'd rather spend around 2/4 of my day with you. Considering the fact that I need to sleep for about 1/4 and do some stuffs (Study or work) on the other 1/4. Had a rough night of not being able to sleep because my mind wouldn't let me, can be so annoying at times.. Hadn't had that kind of night since mths ago. What bullshit. Still have a long day to go... I always want to be energetic and fun but I can't because my mind wouldn't let me. There's just a block somewhere that I can't move it away.

How much disappointments can I get from people, I really had enough for the month already. Really shall be 101% independent from today onward. I'm alone on my walk of life anyway. Don't count of anyone to be there for me. But if you do, I'll notice. Actions and time proves enough. Disappointment from people that I care about really just makes me want to disappear from their lives. When I do leave your life, know that I'm just trying to protect myself. Because I love myself just as much as I'd love to have you in my life. I'm sorry that I won't allow myself to deteriorate to the state whereby I am not even able to get back up. I'm not THAT selfless but I think I'm selfless and kind enough. I'd give up something that I want to someone that wants it in a split second because my heart says it's the right thing to do even tho a minute later it'd regret due to the hurt it feels. But if it makes everyone happy, why not? If it's the right thing to do, why not? Even if it hurts me, I'd do it. Because my heart and mind says it's the RIGHT thing to do. I can never be the evil one because my conscious will never let me. I might not care about others feeling at the exact moment where I say something hurtful, but at the end of the day still feel bad for saying it. 

The nature of a person really is dependent on EVERYTHING about that person's life, really.  First to take into consideration, birthday. There is alot that one can know about a single person by birthday. The living environment also contributes, to the growing up. If the parents are rich and pampers the child, the child will grow up to be boastful or arrogant. Really, just give what is needed and give what they want in moderation. Give lots of love by actions or speech, not by money. Have a blissful marriage. It'll do. Also, I personally feel that friends does not impact a person unless the person lets them. Because I grew up with all the bad company, but till today I'm still me. Maybe it's because I'm different, I don't know. HAHAH. But I really thank god that I'm not like them. Even tho I can be like them, if I had let myself to. There is always a choice, it's just whether one picks the right one or the wrong one. (Quick tip: Listen to your angels, they are just right by you. They have never left, it's just that you've never took time to notice them.☺ God always protects his children even tho how much they don't deserve.)

This post is such a accumulated one! I wrote parts of it in different days. HAHAH. Well.. I gotta have the feeling to write, you know.. I guess I'll end it here! Still have to get up early tomorrow to go to work. Hope that I won't make any blunders again. *Fingers crossed* I love you guys, have a goodnight ahead and honey dreams. xx

Quote: “Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” ― Jodi Picoult

Bible verse: "God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land." (Psalms 68:6 NKJV)

Sayings of my heart.

Honestly if you ask me whether the memories I left behind is true, I'd tell you it couldn't be truer than true from the bottom of my heart. At that exact time space of my life, I truly enjoyed your company. I'm sorry I am not good enough to be in your life, or just because I don't want to be in it. Life goes on and I just want to take a moment to thank God for everything in my life, the good and the bad. The lessons and achievements have made me who I am and I'll NEVER regret ANY decisions. Super contented with the people in my life right this exact moment and I'm just so grateful for them. I apologize so much, if I'm not what you expect from a friend but I'd always TRY my best to make people that are with me happy no matter how stupid I may look. I hope that just being me is good enough.. But I'll continue to try to be better, for myself. Feel better, look better, give more, love more.. There's still so much I can do. Somethings I can never say, because it's not meant to be told. But one day, I hope they'll all be gone. The battles to be won. Shall stop here now, goodnight. xx

Marvels

The world is full of marvels, if you're willing to travel far enough to see them.

Hey you lovely stawkers, I'm having a really great day so far! Woke up late as usual for this past few weeks since I'm sleeping later than my bedtime which I set. I continued to snuggle in bed for abit and got up after 2 mins knowing I really need to start preparing or I'll be late. Didn't have anything to eat for breakfast today and guess what? I was REAL hungry. Walked over to the bus-stop and checked the bus timing. It said that the bus will arrive in 6 mins time, so I waited.. After 7 mins, I wondered why the bus hadn't arrive yet.. So, I check the bus timing again.. It said that the bus will arrive in 9 mins time. At that moment, I was like.. "YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME?!" Feeling all cheated by that app, I walked over to the bus-stop at a nearby shopping centre and took bus to the bus interchange. I then took another bus to school. In case you wanna know.. I have concession, so I can take as many bus as I like everyday. So money isn't an issue, but my time was wasted.. So much for trusting that app.

On the bus, my friend whatsapp-ed me to ask me to help her buy drink as she forgot. So, I said that I'd help her buy. But after thinking though.. I realized that.. I forgot to withdraw money from my bank and I only had 60 cents. #Pathetic Whatsapp-ed her that I did not have money with me.. I'm so forgetful most of the time.. Btw, I wanted to buy my conditioner for like 3 days already and I kept forgetting. Bleargh. I reached school kinda just in time; I don't like to be late and I like to be early for school as I would get honeydew as my breakfast fruit every single weekday morning. #Factsaboutme I wasn't able to get MY HONEYDEW today as I was gonna be late.. So I was a hungry and sad teen in the morning. Nevertheless, I just forgot about it when I see my friends. Hahah.

My doodle

After assembly, it as Character Education (CE) lesson.. We were asked to continue writing about ourselves. I did not want to do that, as I wanted to write it at home. I took the drawing block that the Art students used for their art exam and I doodled on it. It was unfinished though. Don't know what to draw anymore and I actually wanted to colour the swirl purple. The swirl was actually to make it like an illusion.. 

When I was drawing this.. I started humming a song and my partner next to me was listening to my humming unknowingly.. She suddenly asked me if I was singing. I smiled and slightly nodded my head. Then she said: "I thought I heard something and I was the only one who heard it." and I started laughing like it's the funniest thing I ever heard. There actually more to it but.. I can't really recall everything..

During Principles Of Accounting lesson, I was being a good student doing my assignment on the first two periods. Me and Jasmine decided that we got bored of the assignment, as we were only supposed to do paper 1 of it and we've already done till half of paper 2. I stated telling her about "Poopie pie". It's a word that I use to replace vulgar like fuck, shit, etc.. Then she said "Poopie pie" And I told her that it's the word that I created and only I can use it.. So she said "Shitty pie".. Then I was like.. "GIRL, that is only one word difference and it meant the same thing." and she said something like "but it's still different.". I started describing the ingredients in the "pie". I said that there is "FART, poop (obviously, as the name suggests.) and urine. The most important part of it is the FART." HAHAH. She sketched a pie with fart coming out of it and the poop being the pie, telling me that it is what I made her imagine the pie as. (I guess you do not need to know what happened next as it's private joke between me and her. d: But if you wanna know, ask me about it. I MIGHT tell you?)

When I was buying subway just now, a couple was queuing beside me. Firstly, the woman saw a fly on the roasted chicken and was SHOCKED by it. It was really funny but I held my laughter in and only smiled at it.. Secondly, when the employee squeeze a little chilli off the tip of the bottle of chilli and licked it from his hand.. The woman like gave a EXTREME SHOCKED FACE, I totally laughed out loud. So funny! They wanted to leave the shop, but in the end continued buying. When the employee asked her what bread she want. She told him she want bread, which made me wanna laugh HARDER. But I just try to contain my laughter as I'm in the public. Have to maintain my self image.

That's all for today! Heheh, it's a really long post and hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed typing it! ☺ 

Quote: "The marvels of daily life are exciting; no movie director can arrange the unexpected that you find in the street." -Robert Doisneau

Bible verse: "Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’" (John 3:7 NKJV)

Bannedstory

ELIANA

Hey stawkers~ I've been gone for too long I guess I shall blog today.. Have been watching YouTube and most of the time am just messing around with Bannedstory. So, basically this is kinda what I've been up to for the past few days after my Prelims! I wanna try to create something by the end for the year with this kind of thing. I've created eighteen characters and named all of them as well. The one that you see is one of my favorite one and her name as you can see, is Eliana. I'll have to come up with all the personality and stuffs about every character as well. Then I might try to write a story and make a movie of it out of them. If that happens then I will take up quite some time to complete the project..

For my Prelims, I feel that most of the papers are manageable to me and I really hope I did improve from the previous exams.. Sorry that there's no quote and bible verses today, as it would be really no link for me to put that since I'm mostly talking about bannedstory.. This is all I have to say for now.. Stay tuned for my next update! Love ya'll! xx

Path

I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.

Today, I had my 'N' level English oral examination. I was so not prepared for it as I was still wasting my time doing unproductive things yesterday. Here's what I did yesterday, I had a nap during the afternoon till evening. Helped my maternal grandmother to cook dinner and I watched YouTube videos. I had a more interesting day in school as I was feeling goofy and hyper today. Made Jasmine laugh a few times with my witty mind. They day went really well, I liked today! All the lessons were really enjoyable. Heheh. Had my lunch and prepared myself a little for the oral. Waited from 12.30 pm till 2.30 pm for the examination to start. Continued to wait 1 hr 40 mins till it's my turn. During the 1 hr 40 mins wait, I had fun chatting with Yong Yi about random things that came to our mind and we were just laughing away. I'm glad that at least I had her companion and we helped each other to not be that nervous while waiting. The passage and picture was about people performing like cheer-leading and doing stunts while water-skiing. I had a rush of ideas just now and I hope I'm able to do all those things that I thought of. I'm so excited and I hope I would be able to start all of it soon. I really pray that I would be able to complete my revision before my 'N' levels and score a EMB3 of less that 10 points. So that I would be able to get into the Poly Foundation Program (PFP).  Apologies for the lack of post as I had alot to do the past few weeks and I was quite stressed out. I also didn't feel like typing out what happened for every single day but I want to post what happened every single day.. Hence, I just stopped doing everything all together and decided to just spend my time doing unproductive things. I might just try to vlog as it will be easier for me than using 1 hr to type long posts.. Shall end here, I'm actually sleepy already. Goodnight stawkers. xx

Quote: "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bible verse: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalms 119:105 NKJV)